


maybe it's just a nightmare.

by thewaterflowing



Category: Shameless (US)
Genre: During 3x11, M/M, at the wedding..., slurs cw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-24
Updated: 2015-09-24
Packaged: 2018-04-23 05:04:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,324
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4864190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaterflowing/pseuds/thewaterflowing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mickey's thoughts and feelings on his wedding to Svetlana.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe it's just a nightmare.

**Author's Note:**

> i still suck at finding titles and writing summaries, sorry, and uh sorry if this isn't quite good, i haven't written in a while, and uh, well there you go!

He still couldn’t believe that it was all happening. He couldn’t stop thinking about all the things he could have done differently to avoid this ending. There were so many mistakes he had made along the way and now, he was finally facing the consequences. He was faced with his mistakes and he couldn’t fight any longer. He had no choice. Well, that’s how he saw it. In his eyes, there were no way out, he was stuck. Stuck trying, pretending to be someone he wasn’t, to be happy, wearing the stupid-ass smile on his face. He wanted to leave. But where to? Home was here. Everything was here. Maybe that was why he so desperately needed to go.

He took a look behind his shoulder. People were gathered, all sitting, some standing in the back of the room, drinking, too impatient to wait for the right time to get drunk. He thought he himself needed a drink. Maybe the whole thing would go faster while alcohol in his veins. But there was no time left. People were staring at him; there were no friendly faces. Or at least, he couldn’t see them. He could only see the bad in that very moment. Everything good seemed to be too far away, out of his reach. Truth be told, he didn’t think he deserved those good things anymore, like he deserved the punishment much more. He had still managed to take one last good thing with him before being trapped.

Suddenly, that last one good thing entered the room, their eyes met. He felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. He couldn’t let himself think like that, not now, not ever, not anymore. So he looked away and turned his back on the audience, like how he was supposed to. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and opened his eyes when he felt someone tap him on the back. It was his father. The man had a huge smile on his face, which made him look even more like the monster he truly was. He muttered some bullshit about finally being proud of his son and then eventually went back to take a seat.

Mickey wasn’t nervous. He would have been nervous if he cared. It felt so unreal that he couldn’t believe it was happening that he didn’t feel the slightly bit stressed. Why would he be nervous that he was marrying a prostitute after all? Oh, he was uncomfortable. He wanted Ian to leave; he didn’t want him to witness what was about to happen. Hell, he would leave with him right now if he had the guts to cross his father in front of his entire family. It was certain that if he tried anything he wouldn’t get out of this place alive, and neither would Ian.

He was glad he had had one last time with him before getting… married. He had kissed every inch of the redhead’s body as if it was the last time, he had held him tight, so tight, like he didn’t want to ever let him go, and that was the case. He didn’t want to part from Ian, and Gallagher had felt it, believed Mickey would call off the wedding. As if he could. Mickey wasn’t in charge of his own life right now; he was forced into something he couldn’t escape. Because if he tried… He just couldn’t even think about trying. That was impossible.

 

The wedding march started playing and he forced himself to turn around, and smile. He smiled so big, he could’ve fooled himself into believing he was actually genuinely happy. He tried to look at his bride-to-be but he was feeling so utterly disgusted to even look at her, he stared at the space separating them. When she held his hand as they were turned towards the audience, he saw Ian standing. He hoped for a second he was going to leave, so that he would be spared the shit show that was going to go down. Instead, he saw Ian going to have a drink in the back of the room, a glass of vodka probably, bottom up. The priest or whoever was officiating this ceremony asked for everyone’s attention.

An eternity after, it was done. They were married. They were now Mickey and Svetlana Milkovich. He had just now learned her name, right before saying, a lump in his throat, a quick ‘ _I do_ ’. Yes, he did. But he didn’t want to. ‘ _You may kiss the bride_ ’. No. He didn’t want to kiss her; he didn’t want to have to kiss her. He didn’t want the touch of Ian’s lips on his, to be replaced by hers. He felt the hard stare of his father; he felt it burn his skin, to the point that he decided to show his masculinity once and for all. He grabbed his bride's face and kissed her. There was no passion in that kiss, not the slightest bit of affection. Pure resentment. She smelled like cheap perfume and cigarettes. He broke the kiss relatively soon, and everyone started to cheer. He still had that perfectly happy smile on his face. People, his family, came to him to shake his hand, congratulating him for getting hitched with such an ‘ _hot piece of ass_ ’. He also heard remarks telling him that she would probably invite her co-workers over at their house, in their bed and that he would be ' _one lucky guy!_ '. He was feeling more uncomfortable and disgusted than anything else. He just wanted to not be here.

Oh he began to wish he hadn’t been so careless that night Ian had slept over, he should’ve let him go to work when he said he would. They should’ve had sex in his bedroom instead of letting his happiness make him feel like he was on top of the world and the whole world was his. Nothing would’ve been the same. He wouldn’t be getting married right now. Everything would’ve been fine.

 

The wedding had turned into a party pretty soon. People were getting completely wasted. Mandy had found a replacement for Lip who hadn’t yet showed up; the replacement was twice Mickey’s size and black, and the kind of guy he didn’t want to cross. Svetlana was speaking, pretty loudly, in Russian somewhere with her friends, sitting on the laps of men who were eager to touch them like they were just pretty objects. Terry was obviously one of those men. Mickey was in a corner, drinking, smoking, talking with his brothers, trying to forget what had just happened. He saw Lip come in, Mandy introduce him to her new boyfriend. He also heard him insult his little sister. Having nothing better to do, he almost made a move to go and defend Mandy, but he stopped when Ian arrived among them, drunkenly leaning on his brother. He was too far away to hear what they were saying, until he heard Ian yell ‘ _I mean the guy you’ve been fucking gets married to some random commie skank!_ ’ Mickey’s jaw dropped. He looked around the room, waiting for people to make a comment on that thing Gallagher had just said. But no, everyone was too busy to pay attention to the drunken cries of the redhead. Mandy, though. Mandy seemed to have heard everything, she looked shocked, lost. Ian left.

He wanted to go after him and beat him up for taking the risk of outing him, but he felt weak in his knees. He couldn’t move. He was so tired. He buried his face in his hands for a few seconds, to get his balance right again. None of this could be real, it was just a nightmare. He was asleep, it couldn’t be true. He tried to pinch himself. When it didn’t work, he looked at his knuckles: ‘ **FUCK** ’. Yup. That was pretty much how he was feeling…


End file.
